A conundrum of Cavies

"You come highly recommended," the Affluent Essayist assures you. "I need an unorthodox approach. The situation is degenerating daily." You both stand at his study window, overlooking the grounds behind the house. A hundred or more guinea-pig hutches cover the dank lawn. They are fantastically ornamented - crenellations on their roofs, escutcheons on their walls, even stained-glass windows. Corridors of wire netting serve as streets. Here and there larger structures rear- a church the size of a dog-kennel - a pseudo-Egyptian pyramid the size of a garden shed - a tourney-ground festive with banners. "I've given them everything! Estates - feed - honours in high degree. Every one of them is ennobled, do you see? But their ingratitude is unquenchable. There is rebellion in the air. Help me quell them. I'll pay for results!" he adds hastily.

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